some jokes..
Why was chewing gum banned in Singapore..
A Singaporean was on holiday in Malaysia ... He was
having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam at
the hotel's coffee house. A Malaysian man, who was
chewing gum, sat down next to him & started a casual
conversation.

Malaysian: "You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?"

Singaporean: "Of course."

Malaysian: "We don't. In Malaysia, we only eat what's
inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle
it, transform them into croissants & sell them across
to Singapore." The Malaysian then had a smirk on his
face while the Singaporean listened in silence.

Malaysian: "Do you eat the jam with the bread?"

Singaporean: "Of course."

Malaysian (chuckling): "We don't. In Malaysia, we eat
fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels,
seeds & other left-overs in a container, recycle them,
transform them into jam, before we sell it across to
Singapore."

This time, the Singaporean retorted: "Do you have sex
in Malaysia?"

Malaysian: "Why, of course we do"

Singaporean: "Do you wear protection?"

Malaysian: "Of course! We wear condoms."

Singaporean: "And what do you do with the condoms once
you've used them?"

Malaysian: "We throw them away, of course."

Singaporean: "We don't. In Singapore, the government
secretly puts them in a container, recycle them, melt
them down into chewing gum & sell them across to
Malaysia, & that's the real reason why we banned
chewing gum in Singapore."

---

Performance Pay?

I looked up to the sky and asked myself:


Will I get a wage increase this year?


And indeed, I got an answer...





I'm not sure but i think that's a no?

---

Proverbs according to the kids...
A first grade teacher collected old, well-known proverbs.
She then gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb and had them complete the rest.
Here are the mixed-up proverbs she collected:
- The pen is mightier than the...pig.
- Don't bite the hand that...looks dirty.
- Two's company, three's...the musketeers.
- Strike while...the bug is close.
- Better be safe than...punch a fifth grader.
- Dun put off till tomorrow...what you put on to go to bed.
- Laugh and the whole world laughs with you; cry and...you have to blow your nose.
- You can't teach an old dog new...Math.
- If you lie down with the dogs, you'll...stink in the morning.

---

Answer to the eternal question
Why do women live longer than men:

---

Consultancy papers
A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization.
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked,"Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare.

"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.

So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, yes!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant.That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by
76.39 percent."

"After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

---

When superheros don't have a job...